I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
