Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
