i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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