So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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