my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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