hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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