U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
