It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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