I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
