my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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