I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
