How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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