They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
