I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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