I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
