I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
