who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
