If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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