Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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