Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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