i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
