I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
