my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is wine microwaveable?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
