Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
