You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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