Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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