i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
