I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
