now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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