oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh god it's open bar.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
