I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
