Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my phone needs a breathalizer
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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