Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
