Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Randomize
