Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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