She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He shit in the fireplace
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
