My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
