you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
