We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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