I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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