I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
