You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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