I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
