Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.

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  (561): Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign. http://tfl.nu/lnzh
  Replies (4) Good night (1013) Bad night (893)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant

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  (440): wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant http://tfl.nu/01g1
  Replies (54) Good night (1427) Bad night (15817)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.

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  (518): I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly. http://tfl.nu/462q
  Replies (88) Good night (4031) Bad night (984)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".

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  (519): I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA". http://tfl.nu/ak7j
  Replies (9) Good night (3743) Bad night (1030)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me

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  (717): i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me http://tfl.nu/mrrk
  Replies (25) Good night (1854) Bad night (6171)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.

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  (716): He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready. http://tfl.nu/z83a
  Replies (9) Good night (4963) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.

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  (540): we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate. http://tfl.nu/t1ac
  Replies (7) Good night (3713) Bad night (1766)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?

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  (504): Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober? http://tfl.nu/e9ou
  Replies (9) Good night (1211) Bad night (3238)
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  (619): View more from California

  If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho

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  (619): If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho http://tfl.nu/n12x
  Replies (12) Good night (3419) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!

  (940): View more from Texas

  HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.

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  (940): My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!! (940): HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT. http://tfl.nu/347l
  Replies (8) Good night (2091) Bad night (858)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are

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  (773): Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are http://tfl.nu/he1z
  Replies (6) Good night (941) Bad night (850)
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  (607): View more from New York

  You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.

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  (607): You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were. http://tfl.nu/pdic
  Replies (3) Good night (1297) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  you win some, you lose some.

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  (773): we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio. (1-773): you win some, you lose some. http://tfl.nu/xyso
  Replies (2) Good night (401) Bad night (428)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.

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  (931): I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help. http://tfl.nu/1bsh
  Replies (1) Good night (316) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Like the friend zone has no room for winks

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  (860): Like the friend zone has no room for winks http://tfl.nu/ugcr
  Replies (1) Good night (233) Bad night (158)

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