my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.