I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.