he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
