Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.

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(313): i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small. http://tfl.nu/i072

Replies (47) Good night (4267) Bad night (1010)
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(720): View more from Colorado

yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers

(1-720): View more from Colorado

eat her like coffee?

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(720): yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers (1-720): eat her like coffee? http://tfl.nu/6p99

Replies (19) Good night (1248) Bad night (3243)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

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(267): After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest http://tfl.nu/54ul

Replies (41) Good night (27832) Bad night (1078)
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(713): View more from Texas

she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

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(713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl

Replies (123) Good night (47463) Bad night (1911)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.

(901): View more from Tennessee

BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that

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(662): Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names. (901): BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that http://tfl.nu/oy20

Replies (26) Good night (1864) Bad night (4128)
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(850): View more from Florida

I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.

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(850): I don't remember much but I know I looked hot. http://tfl.nu/1lsd

Replies (19) Good night (5910) Bad night (1010)
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(801): View more from Utah

my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.

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(801): my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god. http://tfl.nu/bqw0

Replies (5) Good night (909) Bad night (3947)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.

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(203): no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini. http://tfl.nu/ao12

Replies (15) Good night (1002) Bad night (4533)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.

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(330): I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show. http://tfl.nu/dej0

Replies (5) Good night (2302) Bad night (859)
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(410): View more from Maryland

YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.

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(410): YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me. http://tfl.nu/lzgg

Replies (4) Good night (1973) Bad night (804)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"

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(860): You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES" http://tfl.nu/55vp

Replies (7) Good night (1733) Bad night (545)
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(317): View more from Indiana

I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "

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(317): I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time " http://tfl.nu/0ln5

Replies (4) Good night (893) Bad night (360)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning

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(336): Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning http://tfl.nu/wjev

Replies (4) Good night (319) Bad night (737)
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(706): View more from Georgia

No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.

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(706): No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for. http://tfl.nu/n9q0

Replies (4) Good night (208) Bad night (620)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink

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(202): Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink http://tfl.nu/99ua

Replies (5) Good night (525) Bad night (313)

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