Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out