she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You can't special order awesome
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka