last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
