Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
