I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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