no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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