You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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