I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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