I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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