PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
