I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
