I wish my penis had an off switch
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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