This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
