I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
