Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
