I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
