shes about as inviting as chlamydia
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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