there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Randomize
