There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And then he peed in my hair
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