I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
