He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
