I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
