I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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