Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
