Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
