this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
