dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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