for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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