do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
