So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
