I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
