I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
