I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we should paint friendship bongs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
