Can Purell be used as lube?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
