So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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