I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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