Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
