I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
